This week on «hold off, So is this a Date?» we are joined by Autostraddle CEO and
L Word
specialist
Riese Bernard
to go over: The Chart. You got that right! This event is about lesbian interconnectivity â hooking up with buddies’ exes, pals hooking up with this exes, and the society produced by everything crisis.
Arrive the news, remain your emotional processing. And before that enjoy a game that assessments Christina’s limits: Would U-Haul? (Spoiler alert: she usually will never.)
Many thanks for all the wonderful feedback after all of our premier! When you haven’t however consider giving us a rating or evaluate!
PROGRAM NOTES
+ 5 years ago Riese come up with an
Old Hollywood information
this is the intersection of most my interests.
+ Here’s
the essay
We reference where We mention starting up using my roommates.
+ My crush of this few days Mj Rodriguez introduced a music video clip on her track
«something you should Say»
!
+ As somebody who has just seen a number of episodes of
The Nanny
this montage
of Christina’s crush for the week C.C. Babcock was stunning to me with regards to proved she and Niles are not both homosexual. (Christina informs me they generally however are.)
Drew:
I would be very good along with it present. I might never ever add another person without their unique authorization. Nevertheless the notion of every time some body was actually like, «make sure you might be attached to me,» I’d be like, «Yeah, it is the existence I’ve stayed. I don’t worry about.» Is strange? Is the fact that problematic?
Christina:
No, because if I becamen’t, I would personally feel poor not-being. I would personally end up like, «Wait, I’m not sleeping?»
Theme track performs
Drew:
Hi, I’m Drew.
Christina:
Hi, I’m Christina.
Drew:
And thank you for visiting
Hold Off, So Is This A Date?
Christina:
Wait, Is This A Romantic Date?
is an Autostraddle podcast inquiring the major questions. To start with, will it be a date? Just what are dates? That times? Will we like dates? These represent the types of questions that we answer on this subject right here extremely specialist and lovely podcast.
Drew:
I’m Drew Gregory. I am an author at Autostraddle and a filmmaker and, famously, a trans lesbian.
Christina:
I am Christina Tucker. I am in addition an author at Autostraddle. I will be a loud queer online. I am getting better at explaining myself personally as an author and, famously, a lesbian. Which is all of us. Which is who we’re.
Drew:
Yeah. Therefore the main topic this week will be the Chart.
Christina:
I simply believed it needed a sting. I am not sure. That thought actually remarkable, but In my opinion it needed it.
Drew:
Yes. No, please, kindly, kindly. Thank you so much, thanks a lot. No, no, no. The most effective level of crisis.
Christina:
Thank you.
Drew:
Yeah. So we’re dealing with lesbian interconnectivity.
Christina:
I favor that phrase given that it seems like you ought to resume the lesbians. It may sound like the net connection isn’t functioning.
Drew:
Yes. it is rather advanced, really futuristic, but has been around since there is lesbians, i do believe.
Christina:
Yeah. I do believe students would state after they discovered one lesbian fossils, they found a chart alongside of those created into the mud. And I also think that’s exactly what that motion picture is approximately, right? It’s about the chart? That flick with Kate Winslet and mud fossils?
Drew:
Ammonite?
Christina:
Yeah, that is what it’s about.
Drew:
If only
Ammonite
was about cavern women. I’d see that lesbian motion picture.
Christina:
Well, as I have not observed it, i’ll bravely declare that it actually was. Cool.
Drew:
Yeah. Because it’s like we’ve got so many lesbian period parts, but we’ve never ever gone straight back that much. And I also believe it’s time we perform.
Christina:
Why don’t we just keep having it more back in its history.
Drew:
Before we have to the main subject, you’re nevertheless learning united states. And I also believed it could be fun playing a game the place you dudes could really analyze Christina. Thus our icebreaker with this week is actually somewhat video game that I name «Would U-Haul.»
Christina:
Im, once again, thus pressured concerning this. This could you should be how i-come to the video game. This might be my video game mentality, a little high key, some stressed. That is ok. We’re all learning.
Drew:
I believe that is fantastic. I do believe that cause you to more susceptible, perhaps.
Christina:
Certainly one of the best feelings.
Drew:
Only a terror, simply a serious horror. So the manner in which «Would U-Haul» really works is i’ll describe a situation. Let’s call it Christina lover fiction. And that I’m likely to pause after each and every small area to-be want, «Okay, Christina, i understand which you have never ever lived with someone, don’t want to accept a partner. But under these situations, would U-Haul?»
Christina:
And I also will sometimes say yes or I’ll state, «i am prepared.»
Drew:
Unless you â really, we are going to see here. But i am excited. I think i have perhaps cracked the code.
Christina:
You damaged the rule? I’m thrilled.
Drew:
Let’s observe how long this takes. And if you won’t ever do, i believe you win? I’m not sure how you will find champions here.
Christina:
I’m not sure there exists champions within the video game of U-Hauling.
Drew:
Really, I’m not sure should you’ll go along with that next. And so I’m getting heading.
Christina:
Reasonable enough.
Drew:
Okay. Very, Christina.
Christina:
Drew.
Drew:
You are at your pal’s marriage. Despite the plethora of romcoms you have consumed, you probably did not check-out this wedding thinking you would satisfy anybody because, really, this isn’t a romcom. This is basically the real and typical life of Christina Grace Tucker. You’re taking your designated chair and are glancing at the telephone when you understand a female at the dining table is wanting at you. She presents herself as the pal’s former baby-sitter. She actually is stayed a pal on the household, but she doesn’t actually know anyone there. She seems like mid-forties and it has a striking angular face. You set about chatting. She offers to allow you to get a glass or two. So when she compares, you recognize she actually is six legs large, 6â² 3â³ in pumps. And that means you know very well what? I’m just planning to hold on there and become want, at this point, would U-Haul?
Christina:
I’m intrigued. I am captivated because I might get laid during that wedding. But up until now I’m not U-Hauling anywhere.
Drew:
Cool. That is completely fair. Completely fair. Okay. And that means you spend entire wedding getting to know one another. Absolutely just an immediate spark and quick biochemistry. And indeed, you are doing get together therefore the sex is incredible.
Christina:
Tight.
Drew:
So this wedding ceremony was in Northern California. Which means you both expand your stays for three times to fuck and check out and eat at restaurants and shag. While offer to divide the expense of the now joint space, but she laughs you down and it is want, «clearly not, honey.» Therefore the next three days are miraculous. You feel your wall space tumbling all the way down. You’re falling faster than you actually have. Would U-Haul?
Christina:
So only for clearness’s benefit, I’m having difficulty imagining a world wherein I took three surprise times off work to hang out with a person I do perhaps not know. That seems bonkers. In case used to do, good-for me. But i am not U-Hauling at this time. It’s going to be a no.
Drew:
Great. Okay. Which is okay. You simply met. I have it. I get it. Okay.
Christina:
Thank you so much much.
Drew:
So she comes back to ny therefore go back to Philadelphia.
Christina:
That’s where I reside.
Drew:
And you’re texting all the time. That’s where you reside which is where this woman life. And you’re texting everyday therefore see each other several times monthly. She is very busy with her task, but she is rapid buying you a train violation so you can arrive see the lady and stay at the woman stunning brownstone in Fort Greene. Then six months go. And one evening when you’re off to supper, she requires you to definitely relocate with her. Would U-Haul?
Christina:
And relocate to Nyc? Really don’t love nyc. No, I’m not moving in at the six months tag. I’m not undertaking that, no.
Drew:
Okay, okay. Entirely, totally, totally. Wow. Okay. So you hold dating cross country. She understands that you may need some time she is happy to wait a little for you. Some more months pass. Its now been over per year. The property owner tells you they are selling your house to a developer who is installing apartments, and that means you can not renew it. You need to get a hold of a new spot. Your now sweetheart tells you that no stress, but the woman provide nonetheless appears. Would U-Haul?
Christina:
Okay. At this point, i’d U-Haul for 2 explanations.
Drew:
Yay! Okay. Kindly reveal.
Christina:
Mostly, in a world wherein my personal landlord ended up selling the house to produce it, my property manager is now my personal closest friend, to ensure that appears like something moved wrong inside our relationship. And I also must merely keep Philadelphia in any event. Of course I have to maneuver in using my sweetheart over here, that seems okay. Which is okay. Totally fine. But yeah, i do believe i may require an external power like a mean property owner.
Drew:
Which is thus â fine. I did think that you would want to require housing to get there, and so I’m grateful I realized that.
Christina:
Yeah. That is just what actually has got to eventually me initially.
Drew:
Really, I’m glad to understand what it’s going to take. So theoretically, if you weren’t kicked away, simply how much additional time?
Christina:
Frankly, which could have gone on for a long time. Philly and ny commonly actually that not even close to one another. I got space over here. We are jumping back and forth. We’re having good times. I could have try to let that roll for quite some time until I guess Shoshana becomes the worst individual I know.
Drew:
I didn’t realize Shoshana owned your home. Well, there you choose to go.
Christina:
There we get. Wow, that has been exciting.
Drew:
Well, many thanks for playing.
Christina:
I am pressured, become clear.
Drew:
And I also’m happy that I know⦠possibly in case you are ever before, so if anyone’s ever online dating you and wishes you to definitely move around in, possibly your sweetheart told Shoshana to market your house in the interests of your commitment.
Christina:
Honestly the quickest method â someone would just have to speak to Shoshana and stay love, «Just kick the lady around.» Right after which she’d resemble, «Yeah, certain. Of course.» That might be how it took place, although she didn’t offer your house. Somebody would just be like, «Can you only stop their out thus she’ll merely get over it and move in beside me?» And she would say yes. A hundred percent she’d do that. That is what friendship is.
Drew:
I enjoy that.
Christina:
Yeah, which is actually breathtaking.
Drew:
Really, personally i think like we discovered loads in regards to you.
Christina:
Thanks. I’m like I learned loads about my self, as well. Danger of homelessness is actually the thing that helps to keep me moving in any situation, i assume. Wow.
Drew:
Well, that’s fantastic.
Christina:
Which was actually fascinating. I’m just as excited to maneuver into the main part because i believe speaing frankly about lesbian connectivity because of this visitor, because of this special visitor, In my opinion it’s going to be incredible, Drew. Just how are you experiencing?
Drew:
I am so excited. It is a specialist. By that, i am talking about an
L Term
specialist, but in addition a small amount of an expert within the topic in front of you.
Christina:
In my opinion a couple of things are real, my buddy. In my opinion two things tends to be real undoubtedly. Do we wanna introduce all of our guest or do we wish all of our visitor to introduce on their own?
Drew:
I might love our very own visitor to introduce herself.
Christina:
Guest.
Drew:
I will point out that all of our visitor could be the one and only Riese Bernard.
Christina:
Guest, speak.
Riese:
Hi, I Am Riese. Which is weird are the visitor!
Christina:
Yeah, it’s.
Riese:
I experienced to not say any such thing. I didn’t actually get it done. Used to do state circumstances. I’d to sit down here quietly.
Christina:
While had been really courageous. And your confronts were appreciated.
Riese:
Thank you so much so much.
Christina:
Though this is obviously an audio method, i would like our listeners to know that Riese was making some very nice impulse confronts during «Would U-Haul.»
Riese:
There’s different ways becoming heard. You-know-what I mean? That’s what i say. I will be the President of Autostraddle.com. And I also’m also on an undefeated kickball group. And that is me personally. We have a dog known as Carol. And that I have outdated men and women.
Christina:
Congrats on the kickball!
Riese:
Thanks a lot. I am a part of men and women.
Christina:
Great. Adoring that. Which is great to take for this, this here internet dating podcast. That’s really good.
Riese:
Yeah. In my opinion that⦠will there be anything?
Drew:
No, i do believe which is great, Riese.
Christina:
Whatever you want to share.
Riese:
I like raspberries, the good fresh fruit raspberries, and pools.
Christina:
As opposed toâ¦
Riese:
You Are Aware an individual goes likeâ¦
Drew:
It’s like whenever you hit. Yeah.
Christina:
Oh. Those tend to be gross, so I just exhausted all of them from my brain.
Riese:
Yeah. And that is all.
Christina:
Great.
Drew:
Really, I right away considered you because of this subject.
Christina:
That is true.
Drew:
Because to start with, demonstrably, queer women and non-binary people in lesbian area have-been like, I am not sure, having sexual intercourse with people just who their friends had gender with since well before
The L Keyword
had been ever a set. But I do feel like
The L Word
solidified a certain social notion of the information with Alice Pieszecki. And so I felt like you would have countless insight into this topic.
Riese:
Its correct. A couple of writers, I would like to say, of
The L Keyword
had this actual data ones and their pals these were drawing from the wall surface or whatever. And Guinevere Turner, In my opinion, had been one among these. She chatted to you about this, which they had constructed this. Because demonstrably, everybody because journalist’s place had fucked people when you look at the creator â you are sure that, in addition to lengthy internet of the generation of lesbians in la. And they also noticed that and these were like, «Let’s place it within the show.» Many of them are on the data. Like, one particular which ⦠like, genuine individuals are in the information as a joke.
Christina:
That’s wonderful. Which is the manner in which you learn you have made it.
Riese:
Isn’t really that pretty?
Christina:
That will be thrilling personally.
Riese:
And if you haven’t observed
The L Keyword,
first of all, congrats. Second of all, it becomes the centerpiece of 1 in our head fictional character, Alice’s, apartment. She’s everything over her wall surface. Looked after will be the name of a web site which they began called ourchart.com that flopped. Therefore the idea ⦠and it is in the pilot, I think. Into the very first event, Alice starts writing on how every person’s connected, because everybody’s hooked up with this specific person. And I also can hook up you, as you’re probably no more than two levels from me personally. And therefore was actually true. Like, even with Dana, who had very limited knowledge because she ended up being a closeted football member, they however were able to connect the girl. And that’s actuality since it is genuine.
Christina:
That’s society. Yeah. That is what tradition seems like.
Riese:
Which is tradition. That’s queer culture immediately. And then every person makes their own charts.
Christina:
Yeah. To make certain that was going to end up being my subsequent question, was have either of you made a chart? Because Really don’t imagine i’ve, and I am variety of today thinking like, that which was this just last year resting inside my home for if I didn’t create a chart? Like, that which was the purpose of that, truly?
Riese:
In my opinion i have done it within my diary, just as like ⦠Because i prefer, I am not sure, arranging details, I guess, as a thought physical exercise.
Christina:
Yeah, i believe that is in addition why Im surprised that i’ven’t done it. I like the thought of categorizing things.
Riese:
Appropriate. Yeah. Since it is fascinating. I’m not sure exactly why it really is thus interesting, but it’s. Its fascinating to-be similar, wow, all of these men and women, they may be connected. It is wild.
Drew:
On program, as soon as ourchart.com is developed, obtained an actual information that individuals could add things. And I also feel like something you joked in regards to on
To L and Right Back,
and from now on individuals state on a regular basis is much like, if this existed in a proper method, no one would place their own labels onto it, not one person would feel comfortable putting their unique labels about it.
Riese:
Might.
Drew:
I might. I would personally end up being very okay with-it current. I would personally never include someone else without their particular authorization. Nevertheless notion of want, anytime someone ended up being like, «make sure you are linked to me personally,» I would wind up as, «Yeah, it’s the existence I’ve lived. Really don’t care about.» Usually strange? Is problematic?
Christina:
No, since if I wasn’t, I would feel poor not-being ⦠I would be like, «Wait, I am not onto it? Like, i’m very sorry, just what?» No, that will really deliver myself into lighting moral panic about who i’m as people, the thing I’m undertaking. Have always been we interesting? Do individuals {like
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